Rich's Tale

In August 2008 my wife informed me that our downstairs toilet was making strange noises and was under no circumstances to be used for either ‘1s’ or ‘2s’. Being a male of course I noticed nothing but phoned a plumber regardless.

After dredging through the trusty Yellow Pages we initially hired a ‘Friend of a Friend’ to take a look for us at no charge simply to tell us in no uncertain terms; what we already knew – it was dead! More distressing at the time was that the ‘Friend’ told us that he currently had no Saniflo Macerator parts and the cost of replacing the unit would be rather substantial. Fortunately enough however, the upstairs toilet would suffice… until we noticed the smell frequenting the kitchen that wasn’t what one would call appetising.

After more dredging, we took upon the services of another plumber; local and well known to investigate. We were both hopeful and confident of his abilities seeing his shiny branded van and top of the range tool kit only to have them dashed when he said “How do you want me to proceed?”

“Can you fix it?” was our silent answer but what was said aloud was more along the lines of “Talk to us like we’re stupid!”

After relaying the basics to us (which we already knew – it was dead!), the plumber promised to return the following day to do the job taking a rather hefty deposit in the meantime. Needless to say he did not return and I spent my weekend on the phone ranting to the man’s wife demanding the money back and stating quite firmly that we would take our business elsewhere.

After further dredging of phone books, surfing of internet and various other pleasantries on the phone the ‘Friend of a Friend’ had been called in once again. At this point in time we were good for money, so why not rip the damn thing out and start again? we thought. So we did.

We had the downstairs bath/shower taken out and converted into a toilet come cloak room whilst at the same time refurbishing the upstairs shell of a bathroom – then being used as a junk room – into a shiny clean immaculate vision in white. Beautiful white ripple effect tiles, gleaming chrome taps and shower fittings, a ‘P’ shaped ceramic bath you could die in – you get the idea. But still. There was the smell, two weeks later.

Thankfully, the plumber’s apprentice solved the problem. The story goes that when the macerator got damaged, caused by the smallest piece of plastic you’ve ever seen preventing the blades from operating; our decision to use the upstairs toilet had been fatal.

It had caused the drainage to back up, blocking everything and kicking up a right hum. Proved when I myself unblocked the 3 drain holes that reside on our driveway only to witness what must have been an 8 foot tube of solid excrement. And as for the aroma...

Needless to say the smell has gone but I still brave the drains once a month with my trusty Dynorods – or as I call them, Excalibur.

Looking in hindsight though the whole ordeal still irritates us. So called professional plumbers that couldn’t detect the smell or its origin. The fact that it took over 3 weeks to complete and it seemed they spent more time eating my wife’s infamous bacon butties and watching Homes under the Hammer instead of getting stuck in. Or that they ruined my gravy jug with their grout – and even that was poor! Run off with the dustpan and brush. Left exposed pipe work downstairs and dreadful ‘boxing in’ upstairs. They even asked “Why?” when we said we wanted the toilet re-plumbed downstairs, and then said “Are you sure?” when we mentioned the small plastic part in the Saniflo unit. And it pains me to say that to this day there is still a door to be hung after they finished tiling the kitchen floor as well as taking a chunk out of the wall as they carried the bath upstairs.

All in all though it is done and Lucy and I are content with our lot. We got there eventually and it was through more grit and determination than simply sitting back and paying a professional.

We won’t be doing that again in a hurry. Thus endeth the nightmare… we hope!

And certainly not now we have friends in high places. Go visit http://www.tradeplumbing.co.uk/ for all your plumbing needs!